Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
