My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
