Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
