no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
