Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
