well I can't set my house on fire every night
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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