Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
