You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
