Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
