areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
