The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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