Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
