you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
