Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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