How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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