I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
