My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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