Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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