I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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