I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
