is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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