Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
