I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
