This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
