I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
