im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
