I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
