at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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