I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
