currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
