So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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