Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
