My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
