I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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