$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
