Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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