Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
