...so i touched it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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