So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
