so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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