this beer tastes like vomit already
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
