Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
