on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
