That's intense
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
