I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
