I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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