At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
