We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
