I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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