id be glad to
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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