is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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