They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize