All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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