Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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