he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
