OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
