no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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