I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
