I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
