If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
