me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
