i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
