chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
