I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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