Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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