Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
