Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
