Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
