What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize