I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
