he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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