i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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