i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
