Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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