i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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