Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
