I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
