tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
