I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this just has baby written all over it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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