Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
